Chuck’s Steamy Summer Night

The following piece was presented at Jersey City Writers’ literary event – Steamy Summer Nights: An Erotic FanFiction Reading. Please enjoy.

Scene One

Peppermint Patty:  “Hey, Marie, did you ever wonder why we’ve been kids since 1950?”

Marie:  “I don’t know what you mean, Sir.  We’ve always been kids.   It’s just the way things are.”

Peppermint Patty:  “Well, Marie.  I’ve been doing chin-ups on the top bar of this panel and have been peeking into other comic strips.  In the Bumstead family, Alexander and Cookie started out as kids like us, but they’ve gotten taller and older and are now called teenagers.  They’re interested in something called dating.”

Marie: “Sir, it sounds like you’re up to something very dangerous.  You need to stay within the lines where it’s safe.”

Peppermint Patty:  “Don’t be such a wuss, Marie.  I’ve finally gotten strong enough to climb all the way out of this strip.  Don’t worry, I’ve always gotten home in time for dinner.  Will you pinky swear not to tell anyone if I tell you what I found out yesterday.  Oh, c’mon, Marie!  I’ve gotta tell someone!”

Marie: “Well, ok, Sir.”

Peppermint Patty:  “So I climbed out onto to the top of this panel and was able to pull myself up on the bar above us.  I was able to hoist myself up into Dilbert’s strip.  Dilbert’s a real dweeb who doesn’t seem to be interested in dating, but I found out some interesting stuff when I punched some of the keys on this thing on his desk called a computer.  It’s kind of like Snoopy’s typewriter, but it has a screen you can watch, and what I’ve been watching is called porn.  I do want to try out some of the stuff I’ve seen women doing with men.”

Marie: “You are scaring me, Sir.  I don’t think our parents are gonna like you talking like this.”

Peppermint Patty:  “Relax, Marie.  You know that they’ll just say ‘mwa mwa mwa’, so it won’t matter.  Anyway, you don’t need to climb out of this strip.  I’ve done all the research for how to turn us all into grown-ups which we would have been long ago if we hadn’t been trapped in eternal childhood by our cartoonist.”

Marie: “Well, Sir, you know I like research.  What can I do to help?”

Peppermint Patty:  “Here’s the list of the things I need you to collect.  If you get everything on the list before supper, I’ll let you play on my team instead of Chuck’s tomorrow.  Got it?”

Marie: “Yes, Sir!”

 

Scene 2

Peppermint Patty:  “Hey, Chuck, thanks for coming over.   Marie, do you have everything on the list?”

Marie:  “It’s all in my Rugrats backpack, Sir.  Lint from the Security Blanket Linus drags around.  One of Woodstock’s feathers.  A page from Snoopy’s manuscript.  One of Schroeder’s notes.  A pinch of Pig Pen’s dirt.  A strand of the Little Red Haired Girl’s hair.  Lucy’s ‘Doctor is In’ sign.”

Peppermint Patty:  “Great job, Marie!  So, Chuck.  Toss your kite into my cauldron with the rest of this stuff.  I’m adding in my MVP game ball and some potion I mixed up using a recipe from Epicurious.com.”

Charlie Brown:  “Are you sure this is okay, Peppermint Patty?  It’s steaming!”

Peppermint Patty:  “Chuck, it’s ‘sposed to do that.  Don’t worry.  You’ll see.  Now it’s time for me to recite the magic words.  Cauldron, cauldron, boil and bubble.  Make us old enough to enjoy some trouble.”

Marie:  “Really, Sir.  This is making me nervous.  Hey!  You look beautiful, Sir!”

Charlie Brown:  “Who are you?”

Peppermint Patty:  “Oh, my dear Chuck!  Look at yourself in the mirror!  You’ve grown up to be one handsome hunk!”

Marie:  “What’s that bulge in his shorts?”

Peppermint Patty:  “Hey, Marie.  Why don’t you go check on everyone else to see if my spell worked on them, too?”

Marie:  “Yes, sir!”

Charlie Brown:  “Wow, Peppermint Patty.  I can’t stop looking at your boobs!”

Peppermint Patty:  “Would you like to touch them, Chuck?  And how about if I run my fingers under your waistband.”

Charlie Brown:  “Yeah.  I guess so.  Oh, oh, oh!  Whatever you’re doing with your hand is feeling….”

Peppermint Patty:  “Say, Chuck.  I’ve got a tingle between my legs.  Yes!  You’ve found the… aw, yes!   YES! Oh, honey, sweet baby darlin’, YES!”

 

Scene 3

 

Peppermint Patty:  “Wow, Chuck.  You were awesome, especially since it was our first time!  It was just like in the porno’s!  How are you feeling?”

Charlie Brown:  “I feel like I pitched a hitless inning, kicked a football, got my kite in the air, and, well, so good that I’ll never say ‘Good Grief’ again!  Wanna do it…”

[Peppermint Patty pulls him to her]

Charlie Brown:  “I’ll take that as a…”

[The curtain’s close as they kiss]

 

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